This is really random and really morbid, but I’ve been having nightmares and serious anxious thoughts about my mom and dad or even Scott dying. One night I was dreaming that I was giving a speech at Scott’s funeral. I wake up after these dreams crying, because it’s like they are real. They are so real and so vivid. Just depressing. I just was remembering a dream from the other night and it got me all depressed. I’m not scared of death or anything. At least not of me dying. I am fully aware that I could die any day and I accept that. I can’t take it when other people die, because I know they are gone from my life forever. All that’s left are the memories. I was looking at pictures of my grandmother the other day at my Mom’s house. It was kinda neat to see her as a young lady. I mean she was never old. She died when she was 50. I do miss her. I’m sad that I never got to know her as a person. She seemed like a lot of fun. My mom and I are really close and I know my mom and grandmom were close as well. When I see my mom I see her as a person not just “mom” She and I can hang out together. Same with my dad. I wish I had that with grandma.
Dealing with death… March 21, 2006