Well it’s that point in the middle of the night where the big question comes up…Do I stay up all night and force myself into a 48 hour sleep deprived day or do I take a 3-4 hour nap to satisfy my sleepiness? I read once that impressionistic painters would deprive themselves of sleep for days and when they finally collapsed from exhaustion their dreams would be so vivid and lucid like a bad acid trip. I hate dreams. I rarely have any that are amusing. Mine are night terrors. The kind of nightmare that you can physically injur yourself having and scream the most horrible blood curdling scream. The first night I spent with Scott I had one and it flipped the shit out of him. I think I scared Bastice too. Somehow during that event I managed to scratch my own back with my own fingernails and made myself bleed. Absolutely nuts. Thank God they have subsided for a while. Late night insomnia can make you insane. I have managed to scrape up all of Scott’s old memorabilia and return to my insane ways for a short while. Then I proceeded to look over my old journals, diaries and memories. I hate not sleeping. I watched Maid in Manhattan tonight. I walked on the treadmill for 35 minutes at 4 max incline. I did the usual exercises then I went mental on the arm and butt ones. I surfed LJ for a while. Now Bastice is sitting on my lap purring and kneading. She can be so cute. She is a weird cat. One minute she loves you the next you are under attack. AWE! Now she is licking me. Her claws need to be trimmed, but that is daddy’s job not mommy’s. I brush her. You have to realize this cat is bigger that most dogs. She is 20lbs. I don’t know. I need to rest. I am taking option B tonight. I will attempt a 3-4 hour nap.
Insomnia February 3, 2005